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January 15th, 2007 - Balinares — LiveJournal

Jan. 15th, 2007

01:36 am

So I was meaning to make a long retrospective post about both the last administrative year, and my last year in the twenties, since both coincide almost perfectly. This last year has been pretty significant for me in more than one way. But I've not gotten around to it yet.

I very much don't get around to stuff lately. This is starting to worry me a little.

There's so much I'd like to do -- or, more precisely, to have done. The nuance is subtle, but significant. But there it is: I sit there and do not-much-at-all and nothing worthwhile gets done, and I don't know how to kick myself out of that. There's something lacking -- will/energy/drive -- and I have no clue what part of my brain to ransack for it.

And somehow, keeping this LJ thingie updated and, more importantly, posting in other people's journals, are among the things I don't get around to doing. Sorry, guys -- I still love you, I just can't find the words to tell you directly, somehow. :/

Well, here's for LJ silence, anyway. I figured I'd post a quick something to keep people updated on what I've been up to.

All in all, everything's generally fine. I sometimes get that odd feeling I should, all considered, not be very happy; but thing is, I am, so let's enjoy it and not ask my brain too many questions.

Work's been ups and downs, lately. My bitter disillusionment with the whole industry is not improving -- that's one of the things I mean to touch on in the Big 2006 Post -- and from the look of it, my job henceforth will increasingly consist in my writing specs for outsourced teams to implement, which is very much not what I wanted to do with my life.

But then, when the client from the Netherlands visited last week -- yeah, those guys -- to discuss a number of things they wanted changed in the product, it ended up going very well, and the day long meeting was interesting and productive, and even on the points we couldn't allow their suggested changes, the discussion remained very reasonable.

So, ups and downs.

Sports take their toll on me, but that's probably a good thing. Japanese stick fighting leaves me sore for days -- and that's from the practice alone, mind; the blows never connect, heavens forbid! We'd kill each other -- and it doesn't seem to be improving very much with time. As for horseriding, I don't ride as much lately, for reasons I may develop in TB2k6P; this too, is something I used to love rabidly, but that just doesn't work the same for me anymore.

Yesterday was fun, though. I rode that huge, kind colossus of a horse, and we jumped fences, which took its own toll on me because, hell, that big guy is heavy on the legs. Then everybody had to switch horses so as to give us a different feel for the same fences. As there are teens in my riding group, I got to ride and jump ponies. Ponies! It's been, what, 11 years? 12? since I last rode a pony. I loved it. Even the tall, almost-horse models are so light, you get an incredible precision of control over what you're doing. Then everyone took his own horse back, and we jumped higher and higher fences. It ended up pretty well, even though my giant has trouble getting his four feet to leave the ground at the same time. But -- and I'm only realizing it now -- my training from back when I was a kid was top-notch, and I manage much better than I would have thought.

Otherwise, I've not been doing much with my life. None of my ongoing programming projects have advanced any. I've not help ralesk with the LJ client he's programming anywhere near as much as I intended to -- not that I really need to, seeing as it's turning out very fine; I'm using it to post this right now. But still, there it is: I've not helped. And all my projects are generally dormant.

And yet, some tiny and ridiculously useless app I wrote quickly a little while ago, got a surprising amount of exposure when I posted it, on a whim, on the web site for KDE applications (KDE being the desktop environment some of us nerdy Linux guys use). That was Friday. At the time I'm writing this, this utterly useless thing has risen to fourth most popular entry in a site that has thousands of them. No, I don't get it either, although I can certainly use the ego boost. :)

So, yeah. Ups and down.

I'd like to post more, about the ups and down of old but still vivid emotional ties, but it's pretty late already, and I'm tired, so I'll give in to the natural urge, and close this, and go sleep. I hope to get to talk more about that later on though.

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